weeks later

I've been back in the U.S. for several weeks now, and I thought i had adjusted just fine.

But then why am i up at 2:45 AM, unable to sleep, on the brink of tears, thinking about how much I miss Ghana. I miss our friends we made there. I miss mike and chelsea. I even miss the strangers there.

In the LA airport I couldn't understand why everyone was so brash, disconnected, and rude.Ya know, I still say "why?" in that specific stone. Every once in a while I do that "pstt" thing to get people's attention. and the "you've done well". Although i've lost the habitual wanna-be ghanaian accent. I even would welcome an unexpected guest that can't take hints right about now. I miss remembering together how great american food is (some how the real thing isn't as great as the memories). I miss the excitement of a new (yet year-old) gossip mag. I miss being with brandon CONSTANTLY, to the point where stupid things hurt my feelings just because we are getting too much of eachother. Now he is in Utah, while i spend xmas at home. And even when we were both in town, it was difficult to adjust back to making an effort to seeing eachother. I want to be crammed onto a hot tro-tro, with regae blasting too loud, and me sticking my head out the window desperate for air. I want the craziness of Kumasi. I want the calm of Wiamoase; the villagers who have gotten to know us. I miss the corn lady. We never did get to say goodbye. She was gone when we left.

I miss it so much. I feel sick for it the same way i felt homesick for the U.S. those first few weeks in Ghana. I want to go back. But seeing as I'm stepping into teh role of a college student already $15,000 in debt (ugh, student loans) for just 2 quarters... well I don't think I'll be in Ghana any time soon.

At least Malaria isn't a constant threat here. And warm showers are amazing. (although chelsea was right, it doesn't seem as necessary to shower as frequently no that i'm back). Loading the dishwasher or doing laundrey seems hardly a chore compared to doing it by hand. I feel pretty here a lot more often thanks to the help of makeup and I'm in love with winter fashion. But as much as I appreciate things here, I can't help but miss everything.

I guess teh grass is always greener, right?